Why do I keep attracting bad relationships? (and how your dreams can help)
TRANSCRIPT:
If you keep attracting partners who are emotionally unavailable, terrible with money, or outright abusive—there’s a reason. And it’s not bad luck. It’s often unhealed programming from early life—most likely picked up from your parents.
If you’ve tried to change your patterns with willpower or good intentions and still feel stuck, that’s because most patterns live deep in the subconscious, where willpower can’t reach. To truly shift a repeating behavior, you have to trace it to its source, uncover the root wound, and neutralize it. Then change will come naturally.
#1 Identifying the trauma
Dreams will reveal your trauma. They help you locate subconscious trauma—sometimes even events from infancy or early childhood that you consciously don’t remember. A good dream interpreter can help you identify the coded trauma in your dreams, and when a certain wound comes up again and again, you are being directed to heal it.
Let’s take a look at some examples of the way trauma appears in dreams.
DREAM #1: THE UNLOCKED DOORS
I dreamt that I was back at the house I lived in as a child. I was trying to sleep, but I kept seeing shadows on the wall, like the shadow of a tree outside. I had the unsettling sense there was someone in the house.
I decided to get up and check the doors. I went downstairs and discovered that every door was unlocked. I went from door to door, locking them. The current owner of the house was living next door. I went to tell him the whole house had been unlocked, because it was dangerous, and it shouldn’t be left like that. But he didn’t seem to care.
INTERPRETATION:
This dream shows that the dreamer, a male, felt unsupported and unsafe as a child. The man next door represents Dad who couldn’t be bothered to be the family protector. So the dreamer, as a child, had to step into that role and act as protector and supporter for Mom, his siblings, and himself.
In adulthood, this translated into hyper-vigilance and a pattern of choosing romantic partners who were unstable—people he felt he needed to ‘fix’ or ‘protect’. These relationships always ended badly.
Here’s another example:
DREAM #2: KELLY’S BABY
I dreamt I was visiting my niece, Kelly, and her (in real life) adopted baby girl, Maria. Maria was already five-years-old in the dream (though she is an infant in real life). I was excited to finally meet her. But when I got there, my brother-in-law said that Kelly had decided not to keep Maria, and she’d been sent back to the orphanage. I felt horrible for poor Maria. It would be awful to think you were adopted and then be sent back.
INTERRETATION:
The dreamer was upset about this dream because her niece Kelly was, of course, not sending back her adopted daughter! What a horrible thing to dream. But this dream isn’t about Kelly and Maria. It’s about the dreamer herself. As a baby, her mom was ill, and she’d been handed off to an older sister to raise. At age five, that sister left for college, and the dreamer was left behind—creating a core abandonment wound. As an adult, the dreamer is so fearful of abandonment that she stays in relationships that are bad for her and, when the break-up does come, she immediately finds another relationship to fill the void, even if the new partner is totally unsuitable.
#2 Healing the trauma
Once your dreams have helped you identify the root cause of a wound or trauma, what do you do about it? You can’t just wish it away.
Healing requires feeling. The emotions you buried need to be dug up and fully felt—so they can finally be released. There are a lot of effective therapies out there. The method I use in my practice is called “Cutting the Ties.” It’s not about cutting people out of your life—it’s about cutting old trauma loops.
It works in harmony with your dreams. Each night, your guides will show you what needs healing, and where progress is being made. We meet weekly to go over all your dreams to identify additional aspects of the trauma or signs that the issue is shifting and improving. It’s an elegant process of gradual restoration. Because you work with your guides through your dreams, it’s the most effective therapy I know.
If you’d like to learn more about Cutting the Ties, click here. I offer a free 20-minute consultation to see if the program is right for you.
